New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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