You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
