just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
