Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
