Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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