cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
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