well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Randomize
