I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
