He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
