In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
