just survived the first fart of the relationship.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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