I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
