There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
