I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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