It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
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