I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
