i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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