with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
