so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
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