Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
She's the barista slut.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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