tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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