two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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