1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
