This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
