he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
