I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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