what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
