I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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