woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
