Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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