I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
