can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Need sex. Gaining weight.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Randomize
