i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
