All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
