the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
