God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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