just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
