i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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