Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
