i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
