sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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