Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
