We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
