So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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