she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
