Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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