Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
my being single is dangerous.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I don't deserve a penis
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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