I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
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