Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Randomize
