WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
