Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
