I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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