I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Ladies don't puke and tell
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
